…. 15 …. ( a bit longer)

Image

every time

i see you

you are

 different

 

your hair

your laugh

your point of view

your face

 

you are 

growing

so in the

thick of it

 

like your

first year

of life

x 15

 

it may be

harder

to see.

you feel it

 

it’s a rush

 a tumble

hormones aplenty

true inner chaos

 

mixed with

all the

choices

life has to offer

 

absolutely

every moment

you are immersed

in change

 

but know this

you’re like a baby

you’re like a puppy

so truly adorable

 

you are still

a pup

a pup with the

whole world at your feet

 

breathe.

      take a soak

it will all still

be here tomorrow 

 

at the ledge

you always

have choices

teeter a bit longer.

 

 

 

12/29//2013

 

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(s)Mothered

Image

 

best of

my mom

the best

of me

 

i hid

that

from 

her

 

it’s what

she

denied

i denied her

 

blazing

a trail

no one

would see

 

I

hid

my boots

at the shop

 

like she hid

all her light

under a series

of bushels

 

disjointed x3

disconnected

disarmed

disappointed

 

23 years

and i never

knew

who she was

 

only the

stories

i made up

the stories

i pieced together

 

legacy of

pain

legacy of

distortion

 

her best

was sharing

a cigarette

with me

 

her worst

too many

to count

criminal

 

bridging

the gaps

mining

the diamonds

 

another 

25 years

to clearly

see me

 

alone

alive

another

ace up my sleeve

 

mothering my mother

mothering my self

mothering my son

redefining the Mother

 

being

just being

fogging up

the mirror

 

an old

message of love

stares me down

i. am.

 

11/11/13

a fevered pitch

Image

 

managing

to keep

it all

the same

 

no

don’t change

no

don’t look

 

don’t look

at this

don’t look

at that

 

diamonds

in the

rough

i’m certain

 

senseless

beauty

senseless

abuse

 

doctoring

coping

screaming

on the inside

 

shows up

on the 

outside

disgracing the pact

 

going back

coming

forward,

stuck.

 

conscious 

decisions

to delete this

permanent hell

 

feeling fear

deeper

than ever

relief in sight

 

make friends

with it

gonna be around

for a while

 

11/7/13

well rested

Image

 

a small wink

never to be

revealed

 

tossing

and turning

alarm goes off

 

sheets are

so soft

lying in luxury

 

sweetened 

by naps

with you

 

rivers run

their course

 

diners sup

on beauty

 

majesty

all around

 

winding

roads aplenty

 

living 

on the edge

 

2008

rushed myself

Image

 

i insisted

i dragged you

i saw the missing pieces

i insisted

 

take your ring off

no….really

take your ring off

contracts are signed

 

i see

i feel

i knew

i know

 

fools rush in

no longer

am i

in a hurry

 

road signs

there to remind me

slow me down

there are no mistakes

 

retrospect

it’s a funny thing

now i know

that i knew

 

 

trade secrets

Image

down the path

one never knows.

exceedingly

curious

 

delirious

from the heat

thirst

never quite quenched

 

durable

and yet

so overly

sensitive

 

following

the scent

totally new

and unknown

 

loving the new

rabbit hole

usually

two show at a time

 

and then

deep rest,

and the 

new day dawns

 

hills to

slide down

new books

to devour

 

dumping out

my toolbox

rifling through

tricks of the trade

 

what inventive 

tale will be told

always enticing

never satisfied

 

dreams flowing

forward

have i met

you before?

 

a revolving door

kicks out

the next

contestant

 

i have an

app for that

    hey look,

now you’re blue

 

 

 

 

agreement

Image

a storehouse

literally ceilings

and ceilings worth

stored knowledge

a number, a volume

screeches from a bird

my attention called away

trailing off to nowhere

the shadows on my shoulder

looks like beads on display

diffused to assist the day

standing here with miles to go

relativity awaits me

crunching and bending

lost track of time

focused on a beam of light

9/13/10  9am