(s)Mothered

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best of

my mom

the best

of me

 

i hid

that

from 

her

 

it’s what

she

denied

i denied her

 

blazing

a trail

no one

would see

 

I

hid

my boots

at the shop

 

like she hid

all her light

under a series

of bushels

 

disjointed x3

disconnected

disarmed

disappointed

 

23 years

and i never

knew

who she was

 

only the

stories

i made up

the stories

i pieced together

 

legacy of

pain

legacy of

distortion

 

her best

was sharing

a cigarette

with me

 

her worst

too many

to count

criminal

 

bridging

the gaps

mining

the diamonds

 

another 

25 years

to clearly

see me

 

alone

alive

another

ace up my sleeve

 

mothering my mother

mothering my self

mothering my son

redefining the Mother

 

being

just being

fogging up

the mirror

 

an old

message of love

stares me down

i. am.

 

11/11/13

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riding along

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nails on a chalkboard

screeching your name

direct mail right to you

no one is more surprised

 

i call to you

leaned out a window

never more appealing

tendril at your ear

 

wonderment alongside

dazzling expectations

drooling with anticipation

the nation fawns over you

 

epitaph is waiting

only you know what’s next

adventure to fulfill

never one dull moment

 

1/31/08

her laugh

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her laugh

that laugh

waves of sighs

moves mountains

 

crisp air

elevates angels

down & dirty

digging deep

 

dripping in glee

shaking into the light

glittered &  tasty

rushing to the center

 

skinny dipping

in a 

puddle of

joy

 

9/10

a new TILT

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rousing your love

sounds below the low

loosening the knot

of who i’ve been

 

zero in on a vibration

i’ve been here before

and yet, it’s a whole

new perspective

 

driving away the rain

holding back the wind

breath free and roaring

frozen in the storm

 

narrowly escaping

silence of the stillness

a path enblazened ahead

warmed by the journey

 

9/23/10

i see.

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the deafening sounds

you keep in

deserts deep and dry

engorged in the pretend silence

whispering in my ears

 

screaming with your eyes

lakes around the world

dry up and ache for you

cracked earth reminds 

me of my heart

 

you’ve hidden it all so well

in a pocket here

trapped in a muscle there

insane

from the rage

 

roaring in pain

relinquishing control

it all stands

quietly

in the corner of my eye

 

9/23/10

plugged

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dollars and sense

cented candles

you know what

i mean

 

your attention

is needed

at the

checkout counter

 

the aroma

at the antique store

it makes me

dissociate

 

the sounds

of the machines

at the gym

i dissociate

 

cat-called

walking down

the street

dissociated

 

something

rips, tears

screeches to

a halt

 

this reality

this seeming

life of mine

it’s largely a lie

 

not all….there are

places i connect

and am truly

plugged all the way in

 

it’s challenging

i’ve been challenged

dared to remember

terrified to speak

 

i’m aging

i’m carrying

a past

i cannot remember

 

weighted down

buried deep

staying in

side stepping

 

8/20/13

cr-cr-crocitation

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crocitation

    def: the croaking of frogs or ravens

 

unnerved by

your groaning

amused by

your inconsistency

 

enormous presence

in your absence

even in your

current state

 

you suck the life

out of the room

your band of angels

dancing your drama

 

inflicting times past

unaware of your self

your addiction

burns it all down

 

your ashes

i will toss to the wind

taking with it

the scars you created

 

unleash the frogs and the ravens…

let the crocitation begin!!