here we go

Image

 

feeling pushed away

feeling disconnected

a slow build of perceived separation

feeling totally misunderstood

 

this is an end for me

always has been

a feeling of

completion

 

a rage, a reaction

a huge response

kick all the

dust up into the air

 

thick, dense

choking on the 

emptiness of

fuck you

 

boarded up

actual wood

across what was

once an entrance

 

closed for business

light never ever

enters this

room again

 

gale force

winds turn

into gale

force moods

 

an end and

a beginning

simultaneously

occur without warning

 

 

 

4/2/09 Th

Advertisements

i see.

Image

the deafening sounds

you keep in

deserts deep and dry

engorged in the pretend silence

whispering in my ears

 

screaming with your eyes

lakes around the world

dry up and ache for you

cracked earth reminds 

me of my heart

 

you’ve hidden it all so well

in a pocket here

trapped in a muscle there

insane

from the rage

 

roaring in pain

relinquishing control

it all stands

quietly

in the corner of my eye

 

9/23/10

grief undone

Image

 

i don’t know

it

and yet

my insides

 

are screaming

even my

outsides

are screaming

 

the squirrel 

in me

wants to

take over

 

distraction

dementia

delirium

dangling

 

a frayed knot

coming

undone…

afraid not!

 

it’s all

i am

at times

 

 

fishtank

Image

 

 

making sense

of the senseless

my stomach

hurts

 

your charm

your machismo

your cool

hurts my stomach

 

you see

i’ve been here

in the fishtank

of life

 

it’s the air

i used to breathe

the smiles

the promises

 

now i watch

others in it

torn, dazed,

shredded

 

more disconnect

from you

MORE LIGHT

FROM ME

 

crabby-pants

Image

do these jeans

make me

look

crabby?

 

is it my

hair

or my lack

of smile

 

SMILE.

you should

smile

-really-

 

“people don’t

want to

see your

sad face”

 

if i smile

does it

make you

feel better

 

do i

make

you

feel

 

is it just

easier

for you

to blame me

 

pin it

on me

pick

on me

 

to call

me

a

dog

 

treat

me

like a

dog

 

yep

i’ve felt

crabby

in my life

 

game plan:

ditch

the

passive-aggressive bs

 

 

plugged

Image

 

dollars and sense

cented candles

you know what

i mean

 

your attention

is needed

at the

checkout counter

 

the aroma

at the antique store

it makes me

dissociate

 

the sounds

of the machines

at the gym

i dissociate

 

cat-called

walking down

the street

dissociated

 

something

rips, tears

screeches to

a halt

 

this reality

this seeming

life of mine

it’s largely a lie

 

not all….there are

places i connect

and am truly

plugged all the way in

 

it’s challenging

i’ve been challenged

dared to remember

terrified to speak

 

i’m aging

i’m carrying

a past

i cannot remember

 

weighted down

buried deep

staying in

side stepping

 

8/20/13

guard rails

Image

 

oh my god

hold on!!

what a ride

nothing to hold on to

 

screeching down 

the highway of life

what’s to stop me

oh….how about everything

 

everything stops me

oh wait……..

nothing stops me

nothing at all

 

nothing to fence me in,

nothing to give me 

boundaries

or limits

 

i have

really let

myself go

in all ways

 

no guard and

guards all around

so much that my

view is obscured

 

 

can’t see at all

so busy driving along

at breakneck speeds

all is lost at times

 

all or nothing

win or lose

nothing at all

hands free