newly etched

Image

 

it falls away

down the drain

not needed

anymore

 

the fortress

the matchbox

prison of my 

last name

 

padded walls

and arteries

so warm 

too warm

 

choosing

continually

transmission

overhauled

 

let it down

let it go

like a

fallen angel

 

associating

in the real

with the new

connection made

 

8/21/13

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meditation

IMG_0815-1

 

magical and

brilliant

cutting and

carving

 

into the

future

into the

now

 

reconstituted

feeling

all fresh

and fancy

 

wires

uncrossed

undone

neatly bundled

 

necessary

kindness

hearts glowy

and expanded

 

loveliness

smells new

sweet like

baby feet

 

 

8/21/13

grief undone

Image

 

i don’t know

it

and yet

my insides

 

are screaming

even my

outsides

are screaming

 

the squirrel 

in me

wants to

take over

 

distraction

dementia

delirium

dangling

 

a frayed knot

coming

undone…

afraid not!

 

it’s all

i am

at times

 

 

fishtank

Image

 

 

making sense

of the senseless

my stomach

hurts

 

your charm

your machismo

your cool

hurts my stomach

 

you see

i’ve been here

in the fishtank

of life

 

it’s the air

i used to breathe

the smiles

the promises

 

now i watch

others in it

torn, dazed,

shredded

 

more disconnect

from you

MORE LIGHT

FROM ME

 

crabby-pants

Image

do these jeans

make me

look

crabby?

 

is it my

hair

or my lack

of smile

 

SMILE.

you should

smile

-really-

 

“people don’t

want to

see your

sad face”

 

if i smile

does it

make you

feel better

 

do i

make

you

feel

 

is it just

easier

for you

to blame me

 

pin it

on me

pick

on me

 

to call

me

a

dog

 

treat

me

like a

dog

 

yep

i’ve felt

crabby

in my life

 

game plan:

ditch

the

passive-aggressive bs

 

 

plugged

Image

 

dollars and sense

cented candles

you know what

i mean

 

your attention

is needed

at the

checkout counter

 

the aroma

at the antique store

it makes me

dissociate

 

the sounds

of the machines

at the gym

i dissociate

 

cat-called

walking down

the street

dissociated

 

something

rips, tears

screeches to

a halt

 

this reality

this seeming

life of mine

it’s largely a lie

 

not all….there are

places i connect

and am truly

plugged all the way in

 

it’s challenging

i’ve been challenged

dared to remember

terrified to speak

 

i’m aging

i’m carrying

a past

i cannot remember

 

weighted down

buried deep

staying in

side stepping

 

8/20/13

gift to me

Image

 

numerous

conclusions

spin me

round & round

 

following the 

open doors

mistakenly

entering each one

 

just because

a door is open

doesn’t mean

an automatic welcome

 

maybe some

locks are

meant to 

be picked

 

some doors

require

battering 

rams

 

there are 

no wrong

options

here

 

it’s all 

some sort

of game

this cannot be real

 

different dimensions

of me exist now

why not in a 

larger sense

 

i’ve been

so many ways

and things

none matters much

 

delirious social butterfly

depressed housewife

successful entrepreneur

fundraiser & taskmaster

 

so what.

and now

silence

calls my name

 

glorious.

ever-growing.

always a gift,

the truth of me

 

8/20/13