grief undone



i don’t know


and yet

my insides


are screaming

even my


are screaming


the squirrel 

in me

wants to

take over







a frayed knot



afraid not!


it’s all

i am

at times




guard rails



oh my god

hold on!!

what a ride

nothing to hold on to


screeching down 

the highway of life

what’s to stop me

oh….how about everything


everything stops me

oh wait……..

nothing stops me

nothing at all


nothing to fence me in,

nothing to give me 


or limits


i have

really let

myself go

in all ways


no guard and

guards all around

so much that my

view is obscured



can’t see at all

so busy driving along

at breakneck speeds

all is lost at times


all or nothing

win or lose

nothing at all

hands free




the lie



the resistance

will cease

if you make it



eroding away

glacial lengths

of time

etches in


holding back

time and lies

cracks appear

daily now


resisting words

thoughts, feelings

truths & realities

i lie for the liar


resisting is like

the air i breathe

knowing no



trudging and pushing

further away

from the truth

and the pain


wading in to

the river

of my



eddying and

crashing into

rocks and



this i am used to

i know how to

struggle and

keep it up


exhausted from

the stories

hiding from

the lies


at this point

i’m the only one

i’m hiding from

and lying to


no one cares

where i’m from

or what

i’ve been through


the past

doesn’t make

me who

i truly am


the lies

never dictated

the truth

never once


i resist

out of habit

i resist

not knowing better


like i can

hold back

the ocean

with my tiny self


within this body

lies a lifetime

worth[y]  of

agony and pain


things i came

to believe

words that

i made true








    def: the croaking of frogs or ravens


unnerved by

your groaning

amused by

your inconsistency


enormous presence

in your absence

even in your

current state


you suck the life

out of the room

your band of angels

dancing your drama


inflicting times past

unaware of your self

your addiction

burns it all down


your ashes

i will toss to the wind

taking with it

the scars you created


unleash the frogs and the ravens…

let the crocitation begin!!