i see.

Image

the deafening sounds

you keep in

deserts deep and dry

engorged in the pretend silence

whispering in my ears

 

screaming with your eyes

lakes around the world

dry up and ache for you

cracked earth reminds 

me of my heart

 

you’ve hidden it all so well

in a pocket here

trapped in a muscle there

insane

from the rage

 

roaring in pain

relinquishing control

it all stands

quietly

in the corner of my eye

 

9/23/10

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fishtank

Image

 

 

making sense

of the senseless

my stomach

hurts

 

your charm

your machismo

your cool

hurts my stomach

 

you see

i’ve been here

in the fishtank

of life

 

it’s the air

i used to breathe

the smiles

the promises

 

now i watch

others in it

torn, dazed,

shredded

 

more disconnect

from you

MORE LIGHT

FROM ME

 

one truth uncovered

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left in the dust— no need of you

opened and worshiped—praised where there were no words

openly ignoring me—as only a mother can

nourished. trusted you. it’s so simple…you leave me

leave and forget……. forget  and  keep forgetting.

screaming  and   growing, in the screaming.

it doesn’t occur to me to seek possible solutions…

like what would stop the screaming, the longing,

the utter pain of neglect….this hatred of self,

this not being able to remember, or is it i’m not willing.

 

the lie. the game.

it rises up in me…the disgust.

i. am. disgusted. and not discussing it.

the further ignoring—-almost funny.

yet most puzzling.

 

breast lump—undone by speaking the truth

an old hidden truth.

this new puzzle of weight, of growth

what needs to be said, and learned

and discovered and uncovered

 

slashed gently open